Children have big feelings, and sometimes they’re overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions.
These big feelings often cause tantrums, disobedience, and confusion. They are still grasping what those emotions mean to them. That is why we need to help children understand their feelings, accept them, and find words to describe them.
In their continuous untangling of their emotions, they need a safe space to feel supported in fully expressing and understanding themselves.
How can we support children in weathering their emotions?
Here are three ways morahs and parent coaches recommend doing this.
1. Stay by their side
Dr. Mona Delahooke said, “Practicing attunement is recognizing what the child’s nervous system needs to feel safer. Nothing does that as effectively as a caring adult who can stay calm through a child’s emotional storm.”
What does this mean?
Children’s emotions are like waves that arise and then subside and leave the body. The healthiest way for children to master their emotions is to feel them fully, and they need you to be by their side while they do this.
We want to allow and welcome our children’s emotions and help them process them. Children need a loving presence to support and empathize with them when these emotions become too much for them to handle.
What happens when we stop the emotional wave?
When we stop the wave by saying, “Don’t cry. We’ll buy you a new toy right now.” or “Stop right there. You are becoming a bad girl.” it becomes stuck and doesn’t leave the body. This emotion becomes repressed or suppressed inside our children.
And when we repress or suppress this energy, it gets trapped in the body. Not only that, we teach children not to feel emotions and to be afraid of them.
You can stay by their side by keeping calm and connecting with their emotions. You can say, “It’s okay to feel that way.” or “Oh, your sister took your toy? It’s really sad when someone does that, right? Let her play with it for a while, then we’ll ask her to give it back when she’s done. Okay?”
2. Help them find words to describe what they feel
Children hear and believe everything you say about them. And to fully guide them in weathering their emotions, we need to help them find the right words to say or to describe their feelings.
They believe when you give them praise like, “You’re so sweet” or “You’re doing great”. Likewise, they believe you when you scold or say “You’re a bad girl/boy.” Whatever children hear from you, they internalize it and take it from there.
For example, when your child throws a tantrum, you can ask him “What are you mad about, sweetie?” to figure out the origin of the storm. Then, when he has shared his story, you say, “Oh. It’s okay to feel sad about it…” and add solutions.
You could use this opportunity to teach “feelings words” like frustrated, embarrassed, disappointed, and so on, giving the child a bigger vocabulary for feelings, according to his age.
Also, don’t forget the words of self-empowerment. Ask him to say “I can express myself. I am brave. I can control myself.” with you. These words can help them gain confidence in facing their emotional storms with a clearer head.
3. Look them in the eye
Eye contact is said to be one of the sincerest forms of human communication. It is considered an exciting milestone of life after babies’ birth.
Child psychologists attest that mutual eye contact sparks emotional connection and trust between a parent and their children. This connection also increases their self-esteem and improves their social skills.
Now, whenever your child runs excitedly towards you and shows off their creations or cries or fusses over something, it’s good to stop what you’re doing and give them your undivided attention, even if it’s just for a little while. Listen to them, respond politely to what they say, and look them in the eye.
It is important, however, not to force eye contact. This is a form of non-verbal communication that children and adults should naturally use in any situation. If your child is often afraid to lock eyes, you can help them learn with eye-contact games, storytelling, conversation, etc.
Learning and growing in an emotionally responsive classroom
We compare your little ones to tiny seeds. We make sure they are sown in fertile soil, with enough sunlight and water. Morahs touch and focus on these seedlings when they are in turmoil. They also make sure to find the best solution and environment for them to fully develop.
Children need to have the freedom to express themselves in a classroom where they feel safe and supported. They should have a place where they can say “I am free to express myself, and when things go out of hand, there are teachers who can guide and help me understand myself.”
When little ones express themselves freely, they are practicing important basic life skills. We encourage this day in and day out here at Chabad ELC, because…what bigger gift can we give to children than understanding themselves?
If you are on the hunt for an emotionally-responsive preschool for your child this year, we invite you to learn more about us by downloading our brochure using this link: https://chabadelc.com/
